Comment/Response From My Kid About 'Empty Beer Cans Story'

My Mother is the author of "The Empty Beer Cans" article in this blog and this is my response/comment to that story. She wrote she envisioned 'messy-hair people, dark and dirty'. I'd like to make a few comments regarding societies view of the common addict.
Kids often excuse themselves from class to use the restroom, for a quick "wake-up".
Teens watch their older siblings experiment and follow in their footsteps. Often stealing from that very stash.
I've personally seen kids use with their own parents. I know people in recovery that used for the first time with a parent or other close family member. Almost anything can be crushed and snorted. That empty pen casing could have been used for cocaine, crushed pills (diet, muscle relaxers, sedatives, pain pills, etc), heroine, speed (aka meth, shit), etc. I personally didn't use until I was 21 years old. Drugs took me to my bottom by the age of 25, when I tried to get clean the first time. So, take a closer look at the kid bagging your groceries at your local market. Wonder why your co-worker seems so bi-polar. Your husband/wife sleeping next to you may have a dirty little secret of their own. Sarahjoy March 10, 2008 10:12 PM

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Patricia, Editor said... I am left stunned, again. D*mn kid. March 11, 2008 3:27AM

The Empty Beer Cans

Now I'm a normie, but I'm a 'seasoned' normie. I have more familiarization with drug use because of my kid than I wish to. My druthers are I would like to be able to press the rewind button and be able to not choose my daughter getting involved in drugs, in that 'world' and in being a recovering addict. Where was that button, because I would have gladly chosen unenlightenment.
Yesterday walking the dog, I notice junk on the ground next to my car (mine's the one with the cute, little car-cover). Ick .... what is that stuff ... someone had a little party here I'm thinking, cuz' it's a plastic shopping bag with beer cans (empty of course). Well, they were picky little bugers, I decide, because each tall can is an individual brand name beer.
Ummmm.....closer though, I notice the tiny, tiny plastic packet, now also empty, a pen casing separate from its contents, erghhhhhh, these things are familiar to me as signs of meth use.
Already I am imagining what this looked like last night. Hush tones, excessive, meaningless talk, I wondered what the mix of beer and meth did. Does it heighten the high or is it to help to sleep, another sign of meth use (can't sleep or excessive sleeping). My world of words change, the jargon of drugs spins in my mind and I imagine icky, scary people: bad teeth, bad skin, messy-hair people, dark and dirty. I conjure up that their messy hair is to hide their horns but dismiss the image because that made-up picture is too innocent for this. Scary. What happens in that dark world happened here, right here. I feel so violated.
I look around the day's goings-on and notice the familiar maintenance guy for my apartment complex and point out the things to him. I decide that's what you are supposed to do. I even tell him I know there's nothing that can be done about it, but 'I wanted to show you just in case'. (Just in case what?) He and I discuss it a bit and he says 'yeah, you wish you could do more.'
I told him (because it is my habit, because I think perhaps it will somehow serve a purpose) that my 'perfectly adorable daughter' used and she is now clean. I think I am trying to remind myself that 'those kids' are 'our kids,' that those kids have mothers who know that deep inside they are perfectly adorable too.
He tells me that he will be sure to clean it up and I'm embarrassed because I certainly didn't show it to him for that purpose.
"You like to think we live in a safe place," he tells me.
"Oh, wait, lets stop there," I insist, because I need to, because I want the talk to stop, or because I need it to stop there, right there. "We live in a safe place," I say to him. "Let's say 'we live in a safe place," I appeal. Nervously and to divert his attention from my mother-of-a-recovering-addict needs, I add, "Now, don't f*ck with me," hoping my normie cute-mom look is working for me.
"No, I wouldn't do that," he laughs, "I haven't even had coffee yet," and he wishes me a good day.
I am still a lil' bit shaky as I write, but I'm holding hope and I really like the boringness of normies, normal people, telling other normies, 'to have a good day!' That is the way it should be.

Sarahjoy's "15 Things To Know_

MySpace.com Blogs - 15 Things to Know - Big Joy MySpace Blog Monday, January 05, 2009 15 Things to KnowCurrent mood: optimisticCategory: Life 1.At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special & unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. 15. If you have a GREAT FRiEND, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Girls Need To Realize

Girls need to realize... --We guys don'​​t care if you talk to other​ guys. --We don'​​t care if you'​​re frien​ds with other​ guys. --But when you'​​re sitti​ng next to us, and some rando​m guy walks​ into the room and you jump up and tackl​e him, witho​ut even intro​ducin​g us, yeah,​​ it pisse​s us off. --It doesn​'​​t help if you sit there​ and talk to him for ten minut​es witho​ut even ackno​wledg​ing the fact that we'​​re still​ there​We don'​​t care if a guy calls​ >OR TEXTS​<​​ you,but at 2 in the morni​ng we do get a littl​e conce​rned.​​. ​--Nothi​ng is that impor​tant at 2 am. That it can'​​t wait till the morni​ng. --Also,​​ when we tell you you'​​re prett​y/​​ beaut​iful/​​ gorge​ous/​​cute/​​ stunn​ing,​​ we freak​ing mean it. --Don'​​t tell us we'​​re wrong​.We'​​ll stop tryin​g to convi​nce you other​wise --The sexie​st thing​ about​ a girl is confi​dence​. --Don'​​t be mad when we hold the door openTake Advan​tage of the mood im in --Let us pay for you! Dont "​​feel bad". We enjoy​ doing​ it. It's expec​ted. Smile​ and say "​​thank​ you"​. --Kiss us when no one'​​s watch​ing. --If you kiss us when you know someb​ody'​​s looki​ng,​​ we'​​ll be more impre​ssed. --If we'​​re going​ out with you in the first​ place​,​​ you don'​​t have to feel the need towear the short​est skirt​ you have or put on every​ kind of makeu​p you own.We like you for who you are and not what you are --Hones​tly,​​ i think​ a girl looks​ more beaut​iful when she'​​s just in her pj'​​s, or my tshir​t and boxer​s,​​ not all dolle​d up. --Don'​​t take every​thing​ we say serio​usly. --Sarca​sm is a beaut​iful thing​.​​ See the beaut​y in it. --Don'​​t get angry​ easil​y. --Stop using​ magaz​ines/​​media​ as your bible​. --Don'​​t talk about​ how hott Chris​ Brown​,​​Brad Pitt,​​ or Jesse​ McCar​tney is in front​ of usIt's borin​g,​​ and we don'​​t care.​​ You have girlf​riend​s for that. --Whate​ver happe​ned to the word "​​hands​ome"​​/​​"​​beaut​iful"​​i'd be utter​ly stunn​ed by a girl who greet​ed mewith "Hey hands​ome!​​"​​ inste​ad of "Hey baby/​​ stud/​​ cutie​/​​ sexy"​​ or whate​ver else you can think​ of. --On the other​ hand im not sayin​ i wouln​dnt like it ether​ ; )Girls​,​​ I canno​t stres​s this enoug​h:​​ if you aren'​​t being​ treat​ed right​ by a guy, dont wait for him to chang​e!​​!​​!​​!​​!​​Ditch​ his sorry​ @$$, HE is a disgr​ace to the male popul​ation​and find someo​ne who will treat​ you with utter​ respe​ctSomeo​ne who will honor​ your moral​s. --Someo​ne who will make you smile​ when you'​​re at your lowes​t. --Someo​ne who will care for you even when you make mista​kes. --Someo​ne who will love you, no matte​r how bad you make them feel. --Someo​ne who will stop what they'​​re doing​ just to look you in the eyes.​​.​​.​​.​​and say "i love you" .​​.​​and actua​lly mean it. --Give the nice guys a chanc​e.___________________________________**Guys repos​t this if you agree​. **Girls​ repos​t this if you think​ it's cute. **Every​ Guy who isn'​​t a jerk will agree​ with this.​​ so we hope that all the girls​ that read this will repos​t this.__________________________________ADVIC​E:​​*​​Holdi​n Hands​Girls​ :If you want to hold his hand,​​ gentl​y bump into it a coupl​e oftimes​. *​​Movie​sGirls​ : Durin​g a movie​,​​ if he puts his arm aroun​d you, tilt your head on his shoul​derGuys : Lift her chin up and kiss her. *​​Lovin​g each other​Guys : When she tells​ you she loves​ you, look deep into her eyes,​​ give her a peck on the lips,​​ and tell her you love hertoo.​​.​​.And mean it *​​Layin​g below​ the stars​Girls​ : When you'​​re both layin​g under​ the stars​,​​ put your head on his chest​ and close​ your eyes as you liste​n to his stead​y heart​ beatGuys : Whisp​er in her ear and link your hands​ with hers. *******************************By 12 am tonig​ht your one true love will reali​ze how much they want you. =Girls​ repos​t as: writt​en by a guy. =Guys post as: girls​ need to reali​ze

April 8 Means She's 29

I was working with about 500 other people in the basement of a closed down, abandoned old department store, our temporary work site while the city hall building of the City of Whittier was being renovated (it had been determined it was cheaper to relocate all the workers rather than work around us). It was also where I turned 29, having a 5 year-old kid and was trying to reconstruct my life from a divorce. (Several years later that renovated municipal building would suffer during the Northridge earthquake and those same people became emergency response teams for the entire community.)

I knew my kid would be okay, cuz I had enough love to keep my arms around her forever.

It was walking-zombie-land for awhile; I was physically there, but not altogether. I recall having to go back home while I frantically drove (her to preschool and me to work at the City) and getting forgotten lunches, matching shoes and the sort.

There came a time that I knew I was gonna make it and being 29 and divorced and having a kid wasn't the worst thing in the world. I created friendships and re-connected with family. Not ever really a drinking person, I did the divorce initiation ceremony of overpartying, a night of too many tall Long Island Ice Tea's (the kind that have lots of different types of liquor and go down so smoothly) found me laying on the top of a six foot brick wall. It must have been easy to climb, but the fall hurt like hell.

My kid is 29 now. Her divorce initiation ceremony unfortunately found her meeting her neighbors, one of whom was a young 'puppy' and the other, a female, a registered nurse. Puppy boy turned out to be not just fun to hang with but between puppy-boy and the nurse who was a functioning methhead, my kid was introduced to meth.

I didn't have my arms around her cuz' she was an adult and needed to initiate on her own. It must have been easy for her to try meth the first time and become addicted, she says the fall hurt like hell.

She is lucky because she didn't sink as far as many people do from this particular drug. She's finally got most of her life together again, this is now three years later. Last month she celebrated her three-year sobriety mark, today she celebrates her 29 years' day.

She says she is proud of me and I am extremely proud of her. My kid.

Gwen's Bio, No Doubt

Gwen Stefani Bio From VH1 From VH1.Com Gwen Stefani: Before she discovered she could write songs, Gwen Stefani was looking forward to a life of marriage, children, and white picket fences. When her brother introduced her to ska and new wave music, it set off a chain of events that would eventually lead to millions of albums sold and a Madonna-sized public image that extended past music and into the worlds of film, fashion, and technology. Born and raised in Fullerton, CA, Stefani had a musical epiphany at the age of 17. She had fallen in love with the Madness and Selecter records her brother, Eric Stefani, was playing constantly. Seeing Fishbone, the Untouchables, and other bands involved in Los Angeles' ska revival scene only reinforced her interest in music, so she was more than ready when her brother asked her to join a ska band he was forming with a friend named named John Spence. Gwen originally shared lead vocals with Spence but in December of 1987 he committed suicide, leaving the band -- now called No Doubt -- with an uncertain future. According to numerous interviews with the bandmembers after their breakthrough, Gwen was the glue that held No Doubt together during these hard times, pushing the group to keep trying. She was also romantically involved with the band's bass player, Tony Kanal, by this time. After playing numerous gigs and parties, No Doubt were signed to Interscope in 1991. The label considered their 1992 debut album a flop and refused to financially support a tour or further recordings, but the band refused to give up. The self-financed Beacon Street Collection appeared in 1994 and did well enough to make things nice with Interscope, but the band was once again going through a traumatic period behind the scenes. Eric Stefani left to become an animator for The Simpsons and Gwen and bass player Tony Kanal's relationship had ended. Gwen wrote a collection of songs focused on heartbreak and rebirth that would become No Doubt's third album, Tragic Kingdom, and the rest, as they say, is history. For more slideshow photos of Gwen, click here. From VH1 Bio, Gwen Stefani, View The Music Artists Bio Online

Gwen Stefani's House For Sale, Photos - It's Fun To Take A Peek!

We've loved Gwen since it was just little Gwen and her older brother Eric Stefani, a couple kids from Fullerton, CA. Eric started the band and their promotion of themselves consisted of posting stickers saying "NO DOUBT" on street signs, car bumpers, store fronts, they probably had friends that will willing to wear them on their foreheads. If it was stationary, it got sticker stuck. Besides the great photos that allow us sneak peaks inside the L.A. house for sale, the end of this post shares a bio of Gwen and No Doubt. If you are unfamiliar with their start up, spend a minute to read it. After all, she's 'just a girl' from Orange County, CA. Offered at $4,795,000 Truly one of the finest Mediterranean estates in Los Feliz, north of the boulevard. Originally built in 1928. Set behind gates and up a long private drive this gorgeous villa encompasses almost 5000 sq. ft on a lot size of more than 24,00 sq. ft (per assessor).Some of the features of this celebrity owned residence include• 2-story grand entry with sweeping wrought iron circular staircase and stenciled beams.• Step down living room with dramatic 25 ft. cathedral beamed ceiling and massive wood burning stone fireplace.• Dramatic stained glass atrium opens up to private courtyard.• Completely remodeled kitchen done to period with Malibu tile, top-of-the-line appliances, butlers sink and eat-in breakfast area. •Five bedrooms and four bathrooms.• Gorgeous Spanish tiled pool and spa with cascading waterfall• Private pool cabana. Outdoor sitting area and fireplace.• Media room complete with an automatic drop down movie screen and blackout shades.• 3-car garage and motor court. Info from realtor site. Listing Realtors Daniel And Judie Carson (tel (323) 671-2355 or write them at daniel.carson@sothebysrealty.com The Carsons have compiled a beautiful presention of the Los Angeles home and additionally would be pleased to set up a private showing. For more photos including exterior shots, Click For Slideshow

CasaSugar webpage offers numerous interior photos of the house for sale, click For Slideshow

For Gwen's bio and photos, click here

How Enabling Is This? Bug's First Easter

This Is A Post That Originated On The KCI Anti-Meth Forum

By: LdyOfWzdm , Reprinted Here With Permission

Most of you know that my daughter abandoned her 7 month old granddaughter (Bug) with me back in Dec., Dec. 15th was the last time she's laid eyes or hands on this beautiful little girl, and I now have custody. Last week my daughter's PO called looking for her (at 8 am), as he hadn't seen her in as much time. I told him if I talked with her I would tell her to get in touch with him, and when she called last week I told her (even though I had told her the week before I found a note from him say the same on the door of the trailer house that she had also abandoned with all the furniture and shyt I had given her to set up home with Bug). She came down here with NOTHING but a baby in her belly and a BIG appetite! She called him this Tuesday and he told her she must come back down here and see him by this coming Monday or he would have a warrant issued for her arrest. So she told him she would be there. She told me about this but not once did she mention anything about visitation with Bug. She has talked with me on several occasions and did know how or when she would be down here to see him. She could have come Tuesday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, or Monday....HOW am I to know what she's going to do. She did asked if I would check the online court records to see if a failure to report or warrant had been filed. I DID...there wasn't that I could see. Today my husband had a check up at the Transplant Center where he received his liver and kidney transplants in Dec. 2005. This was the first time since the transplants that we received bad news (it had always been GREAT news). It looks as if the ugly dragon of HepC is back. He has to go in next Monday for a liver biopsy, to see just how much damage. When my daughter called today I told her about my husband having to have the biopsy on Monday and that I was going to have to find a sitter for Bug. I had forgotten all about her having to be down here by Monday. She had discussed nothing with me about visitation with Bug if and when she did come down. They only thing she said when I told her about my husband was (and in a very pissy way) Oh, so I wont be able to see my daughter. I told her I had forgotten about that, but I didn't have any thing to do with the scheduling by the hospital to do the procedure. She wanted to meet me in OKC that's about half way between where she lives and where her PO is, and take Bug with her to her PO and then bring her back to the hospital. LIKE THAT IS GONNA HAPPEN! She was pissed because I said NO. I said how are you getting down here (she doesn't have a vehicle), who's bringing you??????? She didn't know the answers to any of the questions, but still turned her not being able to see Bug around on ME! Or at least that's the way her attitude made me feel. So being the enabler that I am I told her I would call her PO and see if she could wait until Tuesday of next week to come see him, so we would be able to schedule her a visit with Bug....and I DID. Well I left him a message requesting that he give her one more day. Now why did I do that??? She hasn't seen Bug in over 3 months. Bug hasn't spent much time with her since her birth. Bug has lived with me since the day we brought her home from the hospital, and my daughter was back using with in 2 months. Even when my daughter was living her for the first 4 months she would spend most her time sleeping and I cared for Bug. Here I am feeling so confused. Wondering why I keep doing things like this for my daughter...and second wondering why I question myself for doing it...because I feel I do it because I love her, and I want her Bug to know her mother. My feelings are also hurt that my daughter didn't express any sympathy or concern for my husband of over 10 years, or for me and my pain of possibly facing liver failure with him again.

Mostly just venting,

Lady

There Were Numerous Comments In Response To This Post, in addition to my response that is shown here. (Click to go to KCI Anti-Meth Forum For Entire Posting)

Lady, You Have Your Hat On The Right Way! You seem to be moving in a positive direction with ceasing enabling - getting to the point of trying to figure out what the 'triggers' are. I agree with 'LO' (one of the other people who had posted a helpful response). We do tend to continue habits that numb the hurt somehow, even if they are not healthy. I hit hard learning how to discontinue my enabling. After a couple years trying, trying, trying .....not understanding, the pain seemingly only growing larger than life, one situation finally occurred that 'was too much'. First I tried to kill myself with an entire bottle of xanax, along with glass of milk (somewhere I thought I needed to keep from vomiting unconsciously). When I awoke 18 hours later still alive, my husband broke the bedroom door down to find me with one of his rifles trying to position myself. Addiction is such a demon including the demons it infests in the families of the addict. I have never in my life been suicidal, but I wanted out of the pain in that particular situation, it was finally too much. I did get involuntarily hospitalized, slept alot and participated in a bit of the therapy. But I didn't need it, so much as my studing of enabling, my years of trying to keep my 'good mom hat' on correctly all came together for me. From that day on, I decided that I was worth living for and it has been easier to keep my hat on my head. I learned my 'good mom hat' would not fit correctly if I allowed my own family (my kid) to destroy me, to destroy what I was, who I was. I sure support your efforts for your grandchild and for your child. Girlfriend, I'd say watch out for balance, as you seem to be. Balance in our own heads and minds helps us keep our 'good mom and good grandmother hats' on straight.

Patricia

PatriciaLynne12@aol.com

Sarahjoy & Living

MY KID IS THREE YEARS CLEAN OF USING - GOD D*AMN RIGHT ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY

Justin Hunt, filmmaker/producer of "American Meth" the movie, signed a cd for Sarahjoy in honor of her being three years clean. He wrote, "To Sarahjoy, for her third year. Keep up the good work. Justin"

For more information on the "American Meth" movie, click here.

Send wishes and comments to Sarahjoy, by clicking comments button below. She appreciates your support; her comment about it: "Recovery Is Not For The Weak."

She's Out Of Our Lives Again .......

Following is a posting from an anonymous mother of an adult addict: Haven't been here in a while. I am the Mom of a daughter who is 32. I was going to fill you all in on the details about her, but that's not important. We don't know where she is, once again, and it very difficult for me...I worry and then I worry some more. I think I could call some numbers that I have and maybe find out where she is...I guess the question I have is, should I do that? I then would at least know she is alive...not alive and well but just alive.

Thanks.

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This is my comment back and note of support:

"GRAPPLING"

I apologize for my duplication, I have written this previously.

I am a mother of a recovering addict, 28 years old, 3 years clean. But, during her use. ............. I hurt so bad, prayed constantly, couldn't stop thinking of her if you gave me a million dollars. The pain of losing my best friend/daughter was killing me, and it almost did.

I advocate doing some calling if you want, but you have to be careful not to get too wrapped up in her. It is your daughter who will get clean or not. She is avoiding you for one reason because addicts KNOW they are behaving wrong and instinctively go underground, vs. alcoholics don't see it the same way, alcohol is legal, there is more 'normie' use of alcohol, etc. so they don't hide. She is also avoiding you because she is suffering intense shame from what she is doing and doing to you. As long as you can call, knowing that it is 'reminder that you'll help drive her to rehab,' etc. and not a way to find out about her or influence her somehow, then its cool. But, if in your heart, you know, you are calling to do anything, that just is grappling - give it up and read a book to help get inner peace, even for a few moments.

This is the often told story with my daughter: I hit hard learning how to discontinue my enabling. After a couple years trying, trying, trying .....not understanding, the pain seemingly only growing larger than life, one situation finally occurred that 'was too much'. First I tried to kill myself with an entire bottle of xanax, along with glass of milk (somewhere I thought I needed to keep from vomiting unconsciously). When I awoke 18 hours later still alive, my husband broke the bedroom door down to find me with one of his rifles trying to position myself. Addiction is such a demon including the demons it infests in the families of the addict. I have never in my life been suicidal, but I wanted out of the pain, that particular situation. I did get involuntarily hospitalized, slept a lot and participated in a bit of the therapy. But I didn't need it. My study of enabling, my years of trying to keep my 'good mom hat' on correctly all came together for me. From that day on, I decided that I was worth living for and it has been easier to keep my hat on my head. I learned my 'good mom hat' would not fit correctly if I allowed my own family (my kid) to destroy me, to destroy what I was, who I was.

I sure support your efforts for your daughter. Girlfriend, I'd encourage try to watch out for balance. Somedays that is easier than others, of course. Balance in our own heads and minds helps us keep our 'good mom hats' on straight.

Best to you.

Patricia PatriciaLynne12@aol.com

Sarahjoy & Living (My Kid's 3 Years Clean Of Using Meth)

April 7, 2008 7:15 PM

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Following Is A Note Of Support/Comment, From Luvepiphany to me:

Mornin! I am glad you posted a little exerpt of your story for the mom worried about her daughter this morning. The new gal, jshmom, needs to hear it too. If you have time, please read through her posts. She reminds me of you and of me, I think you'll see it too. She could use some of you experience strength and hope as we all do.

luv

Luvepiphany

April 7, 2008 7:24 PM