Following is a posting from an anonymous mother of an adult addict: Haven't been here in a while. I am the Mom of a daughter who is 32. I was going to fill you all in on the details about her, but that's not important. We don't know where she is, once again, and it very difficult for me...I worry and then I worry some more. I think I could call some numbers that I have and maybe find out where she is...I guess the question I have is, should I do that? I then would at least know she is alive...not alive and well but just alive.
Thanks.
This is my comment back and note of support:
"GRAPPLING"
I apologize for my duplication, I have written this previously.
I am a mother of a recovering addict, 28 years old, 3 years clean. But, during her use. ............. I hurt so bad, prayed constantly, couldn't stop thinking of her if you gave me a million dollars. The pain of losing my best friend/daughter was killing me, and it almost did.
I advocate doing some calling if you want, but you have to be careful not to get too wrapped up in her. It is your daughter who will get clean or not. She is avoiding you for one reason because addicts KNOW they are behaving wrong and instinctively go underground, vs. alcoholics don't see it the same way, alcohol is legal, there is more 'normie' use of alcohol, etc. so they don't hide. She is also avoiding you because she is suffering intense shame from what she is doing and doing to you. As long as you can call, knowing that it is 'reminder that you'll help drive her to rehab,' etc. and not a way to find out about her or influence her somehow, then its cool. But, if in your heart, you know, you are calling to do anything, that just is grappling - give it up and read a book to help get inner peace, even for a few moments.
This is the often told story with my daughter: I hit hard learning how to discontinue my enabling. After a couple years trying, trying, trying .....not understanding, the pain seemingly only growing larger than life, one situation finally occurred that 'was too much'. First I tried to kill myself with an entire bottle of xanax, along with glass of milk (somewhere I thought I needed to keep from vomiting unconsciously). When I awoke 18 hours later still alive, my husband broke the bedroom door down to find me with one of his rifles trying to position myself. Addiction is such a demon including the demons it infests in the families of the addict. I have never in my life been suicidal, but I wanted out of the pain, that particular situation. I did get involuntarily hospitalized, slept a lot and participated in a bit of the therapy. But I didn't need it. My study of enabling, my years of trying to keep my 'good mom hat' on correctly all came together for me. From that day on, I decided that I was worth living for and it has been easier to keep my hat on my head. I learned my 'good mom hat' would not fit correctly if I allowed my own family (my kid) to destroy me, to destroy what I was, who I was.
I sure support your efforts for your daughter. Girlfriend, I'd encourage try to watch out for balance. Somedays that is easier than others, of course. Balance in our own heads and minds helps us keep our 'good mom hats' on straight.
Best to you.
Patricia PatriciaLynne12@aol.com
Sarahjoy & Living (My Kid's 3 Years Clean Of Using Meth)
April 7, 2008 7:15 PM
Following Is A Note Of Support/Comment, From Luvepiphany to me:
Mornin! I am glad you posted a little exerpt of your story for the mom worried about her daughter this morning. The new gal, jshmom, needs to hear it too. If you have time, please read through her posts. She reminds me of you and of me, I think you'll see it too. She could use some of you experience strength and hope as we all do.
luv
Luvepiphany
April 7, 2008 7:24 PM
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